The Twelve Days of Christmas M and C style!
by UWKthe002
Summary: The result of the Christmas season and a raving fan mixing. Not exactly the best, but hey. We can't all be Chaucer. (From Stephen's POV - one bad word.)


Alright. Its that time of year when rabid fans around the world start singing ye olde Christmas carols - with a twist. I am no exception to the rule.  
And so, without further ado, I present to you:

The (badly written) Twelve Days of Christmas - Master and Commander style!  
- From the perspective of Dr. Stephen Maturin

On the First day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...A bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: I might just make a naturalist out of you yet...))

On the Second day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Two turtledoves, ...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: Turtledoves? Don't you think that's a little cliche, Jack?))

On the Third day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: I'm sure this would be wonderful if you hadn't made so many cordal mistakes, Jack.  
Jack: ...))

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: Oh, your soul to the Devil, Jack! Weeping My honey buzzards!  
Jack: --;))

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves, ...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: ranting They might have been a new species, for all love!  
Jack: thinking Why do I even bother...))

On the Sixth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Six sick midshipmen,  
...five toroise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree! ((Stephen: They ate the pudding, didn't they?  
Jack: Aye.  
Stephen: I've told you before, Jack, that pudding is not good for your health, or anyone else's...))

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: after a sip Well, this should last me through the Channel...maybe.  
Jack: O.O;; ))

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Eight jokes on weevles,  
...seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Jack: HAHAHAHAH! The lesser of two weevils! HAHAHAHAHAH!  
Stephen: ........ ))

On the Ninth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Nine druken sloths,  
...eight jokes on weevils,  
...seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements, ...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: Not AGAIN, Jack!  
Jack: Well, as to that, it's not MY fault they like grog...))

On the Tenth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Ten slices of toasted cheese!  
...Nine drunken sloths,  
...eight jokes on weevils,  
...seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: Well now. This isn't actuall that bad. Congradulations, Jack. You're getting better at this.  
Jack: Pleased Why, thank you, Stephen.  
Stephen: If only it wern't crusty. And cold. And.  
Jack: ...damn. ))

On the Elevnth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Eleven shares of prize-money,  
...ten slices of toasted cheese!  
...Nine drunken sloths,  
...eight jokes on weevils,  
...seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...and a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Stephen: You're nothing but an educated pirate under orders, Jack.  
Jack: Yar! Erh. I mean, that's coming at it very high, sir! ))

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my Captain gave to me.  
...Twevle hearty welcomes,  
...elevn shares of prize-money,  
...ten slices of toasted cheese!  
...Nine drunken sloths,  
...eight jokes on weevils,  
...seven pounds of coffee,  
...six sick midshipmen,  
...five tortoise shells!  
...Four broken bird's eggs,  
...three Corelli movements,  
...two turtledoves,  
...And a bug that he found in a tree!  
((Jack: Why, Stephen, there you are! A very merry Christmas to you!  
Stephen: And to you as well, dear.)) 

Afternote: I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. But...I had to. Don't Hurt Me! hides. 


End file.
